Wondering

I was just talking with a co-worker of mine (ok, it was my supervisor but this is my story so I'll tell it how I want to...) and I remembered something that I hadn't thought of until now. When we first found out we were pregnant with Jon, back in September, I had the oddest feeling of 'knowing' the baby was going to be born with Downs Syndrome. I have absolutely no idea why I would even think that, neither Aaron or I have a history of Downs Syndrome in our family. I'm not sure if it was just me thinking about my old age and the higher possibility of it or if it was 'women's intuition' or what exactly made me think that. I even went so far as to talk to our older children about the possibility. And for whatever reason, I was totally at peace with the idea of having a 'special' child.

The realization came to me when I was talking with my co-worker (aka 'supervisor') that we were going to have that test done that fateful December day when we went into the doctor. But we instead found out that our baby boy had already gone onto Heaven. We had the option of sending Jon's body to Minneapolis to have an autopsy, however, chose not to put his poor little body through that and to just accept God's will.

I wonder now what we would have found out if we had gone through with the autopsy. We will never know. But I know that it doesn't really matter and it doesn't change a thing. We still love our baby boy just the same.