Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. How awesome is it to have one day set aside to honor and show appreciation for all mothers (and fathers next month). I've always loved Mother's Day and watching my kids get excited for weeks (and whisper for weeks) about what they are going to make for me. And I love to watch the excitement on their faces when they are finally able to give me what they have lovingly made and anxiously waited to give.

But. Today is going to be a difficult Mother's Day. Today is a reminder that I am now a Mother to 3 angels on earth and 1 angel in Heaven. Oh how I wish I didn't have to belong to that sisterhood.

Today it has been 5 long months since I held my angel baby. Is it possible that it has been that long? It seems like forever ago and just yesterday all at the same time. I miss my baby boy so much. I think about him every day and wonder what he would be like, look like. Would he be colicky like his brother? Or easy going like his sisters? Would he have dark hair like his daddy? Or blond hair like the rest of us?

And today I live with the knowledge that I would probably be in the hospital having him right now if things had been meant to be different. Even though my due date is still 3 weeks away, if he followed suit as the other 3 did, he would come 3 weeks early. And I think and wonder how everything would have gone. Would my water break at home like it did with his brother, but I thought I had just peed my pants? Would he have had an easy labor like his sisters? Or been stubborn and difficult like his brother? Which by the way, describes my children to a 'T' - their labors and deliveries have foreshadowed their personalities (until we hit the preteen years with the oldest one that is, some stubbornness has certainly come out now!)

But. I do have 3 angels here on earth that I am so thankful for. So even though today is a day of sadness, I am going to try to do my darndest to put a smile on my face and be excited when they bring me the dandelions that Savannah and Chance picked for me this morning (which Savannah doesn't know I know yet, but Chance proudly announced to me when he walked in the house and she was still outside!) and ooh and ahh over all the other surprises and gifts they have in store for me today. The sun is shining (finally) so we are going to go out and have fun today and enjoy ourselves and be thankful for what we have.

Today (and everyday), I am the proud mommy of 4 babies.